Got It Memorized?
by Tea.T
Summary: Yaoi. Do I mean so little to you that you forgot me? My flames burn only for you. Roxas...come back and save me from these hellfires...
1. Burn, Baby, Burn

Got It Memorized?

Chapter One: Burn, Baby, Burn

Roxas...

You were the only one I liked. You were the only friend I had. I had hoped to be with you, to stay by you for the rest of my being. I had my heart, or should I say my hopes since I do not have a heart, that I would see your face every day.

Why did you leave? Why did you leave me? Who was I supposed to fight beside? To burn my fire for? Without you, I am more incomplete than I already was. I need...I really need you with me.

My flames, they had always burned for you, they will always continuing burning only for you, but now I can't summon my fires with my adoration for you. The only flames that burn now are that of my anger and fury. I do not want this. I want you! Roxas! Come back! Come back to me please!

I call out to you but you don't even remember me, not my name, not my spirit, not my flames. Do you know how much it hurts to see that my existence mean nothing to you when you mean to me more than life? Was I nothing to you to begin with that you can forget about me so easily? I was not even a bit important to you?

I tried, I called to you with all I can. By force, I showed you the fire that is only meant for you. I urged you, but nothing worked.

I don't have a heart. A nobody has no right to anything. I wasn't supposed to exist but it was because of you that I did not want to simply fade away. Searching for my heart was not my reason in Organization XIII. It was so I could be with you, help you in any way you wanted me to. I am that devoted to you. I admit I am sick, the illness of love seeping through my veins in blazes. I am not capable of doing anything else but think of you, think of us, what we used to be, what I want us to be.

How can I make you remember me? We were best friends, weren't we? I never told you how much beyond that that I felt, but did you have to crush all my hopes by not even remembering my name, my flames?

I am deeply wounded. Why? Why? Why can't I make you remember me? Doesn't my flames, my inferno presence remind you of maybe a little of me, trigger anything?

I'm frustrated I tell you! Why won't you come back? I'm not worth even a pint of your memory? Am I to you, really nothing? I don't want to be nothing, not to you.

I feel so deprived, so lonely. And that is why I am currently in the arms of another man. Roxas...Roxas...I promised to myself that I will love only you but I...I am so...so cold...My flames cannot burn on its own. I needed you. You didn't come.

But do not worry. My heart still belongs to you, wherever it may be...I have a feeling that it is with you already. He is only a substitute. I call out only your name, your name in beautiful swirling red blazes.

Roxas...


	2. Infernal Dreams

Got It Memorized?

Chapter Two: Infernal Dreams

Roxas, I'm not sure of what to do anymore. I kid myself into thinking that you will somehow recall a trace of me. That obviously has not happened and has yet to happen.

The blazing feeling of ice fills my body once again. I can't live if I'm cold.

Step by step I walk closer to a room that has become my hell but at the same time my haven because it melts away the frost threatening to subdue my body. Each step is heavy but I am the one who chooses this path. I do this voluntarily, no one is forcing me, not even him, or perhaps he already knows that I am unable to function without plunging myself into the thrill of any infernal grave.

Slowly I open the door but there is not a trace of hesitation in my mind. If anything, I believe I am eager. I bet if I told you, Roxas, you would be disgusted with me, but I doubt you'd hate me because if I'm not worth an ounce of your love then I am probably not worthy of your hate either.

The door is opened and I see his figure fixed on a crystal desk. I do not want to smile because that is what I'd liked to think I could reserve for you. But being in this man's presence, I get the undeniable familiar sense of authority. Although you may not know it, it was always you who had control over me. And he emits the paralleled, if not the same aura. It is for this reason that I chose to reside in his shadow, he reminds me of you. He is probably the only thing I can come close to having you.

"Axel." I see I have his attention.

As much as I don't want to greet him, he would not just let me be, I've learned but that doesn't mean I use what I've learned. I stay quiet. I lie to myself either way. I know I enjoy this, but I try to deny it. I know I should hate this, but I try to excuse that as well. What am I thinking right now?

Leisurely, he removes himself from his chair and walks towards me at an even pace. My chest gives off this unusual blazing sensation that I crave for. Already I feel the heat and soon I'm going to dream.

He makes me look up at him. My only regrets are that he is taller than me and that he is not as gentle as I would imagine you to be. Then again, a substitute can never be as good as the real thing. But since I can't ever have the real thing I shouldn't complain.

"Not even a 'hi'?" he asks me, his fiery eyes taunting me.

"Hi," I say nonchalantly. Why do I even obey? I should at least play up to the role.

I am pulled closer to him. He kisses me. I have no resistance. The dream has begun.

Bit by bit, my mind swirls with scorching red fire, the adrenaline pumping through my body in waves of heat. I like this feeling; I like the sensation of being eaten alive by the flames.

As he lets my lips go, I mental breathe your name. Roxas...

"Still thinking of the boy," he states, his breath in my ear.

I don't have to answer; he knows that I think of you. I doubt he is lenient about it but he knows.

"You should know every man gets jealous," he whispers in my right ear, my sensitive ear, careful to make every syllable burn through my back and chest.

By this time I am weak in the delusion. He takes me to the floor, his lips melting the cold every where it touches. I close my eyes and let this dream carry on, ecstasy reaching higher and higher, beyond any limit. Roxas...

The heat and flames of my love blaze around me. His hands are fire that caresses my body.

Without my realization, I am already naked on the pure crystal floor, it warm from the contact of my flesh. It feels so comfortable, since I am uncontrollably hot.

A hand snakes from my stomach to my swollen member. I arch in response, a soft moan escaping my lips. I take it that he likes seeing me writhe because I can do nothing else but that as he messages me skillfully. The heat is still rising. Roxas...I can feel your flames when I close my eyes. Unknowingly, I finally call out your name in this dreamed up reality of mine. I came at the same moment. My muscles start to relax, the burning diminishes.

He releases me. "Turn around," he murmurs to me. I do as he says, lifting myself with great use of strength to get to my hands and knees. Mentally, I am always one step ahead of him, knowing that I should spread my legs but I do not, partly because I don't want to reveal the slut that I am and partly because the only one I would ever truly be willing to spread my legs for is you, Roxas...

He does it for me, his hands creating more fire in me as he slowly traces one hand across my chest and one at my thigh. I moan, enraptured by this dream.

A slim finger enters me, and I cry out in surprise even though I know it was coming. He moves inside me painfully slow, deliberately prolonging and strengthening my needs. He adds another finger, and I grant another cry only to find myself moaning immediately after, his fingers stretching me, moving in and out in a much quicker pace. Roxas! I breathe mentally again your name. This is a dream of you and me; I do not ever forget that.

I become hard again. I reach down, but a hand stops me. Unconsciously, I begin to mouth out the word, "Rox..."

"Do you even remember where you are and who you're with?" a deep voice brings me away from you again.

"Yeah," I mutter.

"Are you sure?" He presses his slightly larger body hard against mine, demanding control and response. I wince and manage to hold myself upright. "Who am I?" He removes his fingers from me. I moan, taking a second more to adjust to the loss.

I want so much to answer: Roxas, but that is not true. I know it. It is only a dream that I want to be dreaming. I'm not sure if he wants to take this away from me or simply remind me of his dominance.

The hold he has on me loosens. The heat threatens to leave. I suffer at the loss, almost unable to breathe. Ever so painfully, I succumb to reality. "Saïx," I say with utterly no emotion but with the need of air.

With this I am granted into the flames of condemnation. He lowers me more, taking more of his time positioning himself than entering me. I cry out submissively again. The pain that promises me later pleasure creates tears in my eyes. But at least I am hot again. Trying to adjust myself to this pain, I find that there is no need. Already, the blazes of pleasure engulfs me, my mirage returns.

I push myself back into his thrusts all the while letting incoherent noises escape me, but my mind is clearly asleep. I can feel you in this dream, arms around me, mine around you. The fire accumulates inside me. I feel you inside me. Swirling, scorching, sizzling, pleasure...Roxas!

I come back to reality again. The warmth cools. Tired...I feel like I could fall asleep if I hadn't already. But I do not want to sleep here.

He is even heavier now. I don't ask him to remove himself from me. I know he'll do that soon enough. And when he does, I restrain myself from collapsing.

When my mind registers I see the mess that we made. I know it is I who has to clean it because I'm the one who asked for it. But I start with myself first.

I walk to the bathroom—he does have one. He doesn't speak another word to me and neither do I. Turning on the water, I indulge myself in it, thinking of my dream that is neither shameful nor shameless.

Am I being used? Or am I using him? I don't care, Roxas, it is still only you.

I wonder if I blame you for the pains I have over you. I presume not. I rather have this feeling of pain along with the faintest moments of pleasure than not have any at all.

* * *

While I was writing this, I couldn't believe myself. I turned this from T to M. I did it again! I didn't want to in the beginning but I guess this is just me. Tell me if you don't like it. 


End file.
